Update

How far along? 27 Weeks! Which means I'm coming to the end of my Second Trimester and into my 3rd on Wednesday. It is really amazing how quickly time goes by.

How big is baby? About 2 pounds and over 12" long.

Gender? Boy

Weight gain? +2 but luckily my weight gain is gradual now and the doctor is happy with it so that's good.

Symptoms? Really tired lately, but I think that is due to my lack of sleep at night. I haven't been sleeping because I have either developed allergies or have a had these on going cold symptoms for a few weeks now. Plus I've done nothing but worry and stress about having a baby and all the stuff that goes along with it, so that keeps me up. Then having to pee 1 to 2 times a night doesn't help and then add in the leg cramps, sleep is minimal these days. Which i know will only gets worse when my little bundle of joy actually arrives. Oh well, better get used to it.


Food cravings?None that I can think of, nothing has really stuck out.

Sleep? lol the symptoms statement says it all.

Movement? He's been kicking alot this week, Chris was cuddling me while i was sleeping and apparently he just went nuts kicking him like crazy.

What I am looking forward to? Starting my third trimester.

Confessions:
1) I"m terrified about being a mom, I was super excited at first but lately I"ve been wondering if I can actually do it. I mean, I changed my cousin Emma's diaper and I put it on wrong, and then when I had her for the day, she peed completely through her diaper. It was horrible :o(

2) I"m scared we won't be able to handle things financially with me on maternity leave (even though chris says we'll be fine). Our roomate just left so that extra income is gone, so I'm wondering if it will actually work out.

3) I'm honestly ashamed that I find myself complaining about lack of sleep and feeling sick and not actually enjoying the whole pregnancy part like i should and was really hoping I would, considering how blessed I am that I didn't lose this baby when it could have been a lot different.

4) I feel guilty for the child that I lost, that I don't get to hold him like I will this one or spend time with him, it genuinely makes me sad that that child has to miss out. I feel guilty being excited and anxious to see my son, when I don't get to see my other child. Has anyone else who's lost a child felt this way?

5) I'm scared daily that something is going to go wrong, like I shouldn't be so luckily to be this far along in my pregnancy.... I know it's crazy but my whole life I was scared that would have issues having children because of family history, and when I lost the first one I thought for sure I would have the same issues. Well it seems that I don't which is great, but I still in the pit of my stomach feel that it's too good to be true.

 6) Raising the baby in a household where I'm  NAC (New Apostolic Christian) and my husband isn't. We've talked about alot of stuff with how we're going to raise our son, but I still have a lot of concerns about praying before meals and bedtimes, I do that myself now, but how do i incorporate the baby and chris into that and make it a family ritual without making him uncomfortable? Also with Halloween around the corner, Chris has been expressing how excited he is to take our son out in really cute costumes and well I HATE Halloween... as a Christian and not believing in it, and around a special service that we have it makes it really hard for me to accept that our son might have to go out because I know that compromises on both mine and Chris' part will half to be made. I know it's still at least a year or two away yet, but I know that it will definitely be a major issue for us.

So those are my concerns and worries at the moment that have been keeping me up at night... I just hope I can find a way to make peace with myself otherwise it's going to be a LONG 3 months.


Belly Photo:

This is a bad photo... it's Sunday afternoon and I'm having a lazy day, so hence the lazy day clothing.